Publication Date: July 1, 2006
Intro: It took at least ten seconds to identify the figure in front of you, remember how he noticed a boy with blue hair and turquoise eyes in the library, then in the cafeteria and, surprisingly, found it again at the bus stop.
Note: This is the final chapter, thanks for reading this story. No doubt I will miss her with all my strength.
Episode 9: I do not know how to let go Do you hear the sound of my heart beats?
Camus Viewpoint
The first time I woke up, your eyelidsfelt very heavy and your body felt like a lump of lead tired. Yawning in the darkness of the room, it was around four in the morning, maybe later. Giraste in your bed to see the wall color of bone and ... that's when your eyes landed on a mysterious figure.
It took at least ten seconds to identify the figure in front of you, remember how he noticed a boy with blue hair and turquoise eyes in the library, then in the cafeteria and, surprisingly, found it again at the stop bus. I had asked him then if you had been following. The boy had smiled and ... for the simple reason you've decided that you carry in your bed that day. And
sas did not want to get lost or end up in garbage cans.
* The following week I ran into him at a bar. Never believed in coincidences, you know that things happen for a reason and that did not come a moment before or after a time they had to appear, so more of a surprise for you, that meeting was a fact that you were already half expecting .
I buy you a drink and he rejected you. He was upset because he had not spoken and in this small detail of not having spoken, reveals many features of your being. You were not the kind of person who spoke by phone to talk nonsense or to ask what are you doing
or simply
hear your voice. You stomach churned at the thought. You were always against stereotypes and stupid things in life like that. Milo thought you were going to mark you and ask her out after sleeping with him, and a part of you wanted to say that this was for lesbians, but when you saw the shortcomings of anger in the color of your eyes, you opted for another tactic: the invited them back to your department.
Never before had invited twice to the same guy in your department. No doubt that Milo began to fade, many "never" was in your life.
The road to your apartment was silent, you was driving and Milo was looking out the car window to different streetscity. The same, ie, Saga and Kanon, I had watched in amazement when you tell them you had to leave the bar, with Milo behind your shoulder when you uttered the words.
Considered by one thousandth of a second turn on the radio to kill the silence spreading across the cavities of the car, but if you were sincere, be silent with it not bother you at all. At that moment crossed your mind with the speed of light, the idea that Milo was hoping maybe you initiate the discussion, but he said nothing all the way and you did not.
That night they sleep together for the second time (not that you were counting, in fact, the numbers were wrong, something's werestudy art), and after that the two recovered his breath and your eyes began to close, the voice of Milo brought you back to the waking world. "I can stay and sleep here tonight?" I asked.
Amid the dark, biting your lip and let time pass for a moment. The truth was you did not know what to say. No one ever asked questions because they do not even allow them to engage some sort of communication with children who occasionally wore to your department, then it was very strange that you had to answer a question in the middle of the night. The same as you know very well and I did not ask questions because they already knew the answers beforehand, so you lost the costAnd do not say that they are lesbian dating or one of your ridiculous. "
suddenly felt like the walls of the cafeteria were tiny and wanted to crush. Dress door, because go away like a good idea at the time. Looking back at the same, who sat across the table and who directed you looks that demanded answers of some kind.
The problem was that you had no response yet. In your mind everything was confusing to be honest, lately I've been yourself asking that question: What was Milo for you?, What was already spent every day together and for some bizarre reason, you wanted to spend more and more time with him?
"The engagements are for pathetic people," finally answered in a tone of annoyance, of course. The typical courtship going to the movies, roses and dinner together ... all that you did a complete and utter garbage, and a big waste of time and money. Did not understand why people needed someone to be happy, to feel fulfilled, or why the man was always looking for the other half when it was assumed that one was a complete and self-sufficient. You were self-sufficient. "People pathetic that, in general, are lesbians." He concludes.
the cafeteria door opened and Milo went for it, looked around and located in the midst of the people. He walked with long strides towards you, "said a hellogeneral to greet you and the same, and sat down next to you. He began to tell in words fast and frowning, "I had been looking for, how good you're here. What do you think? I will not be able to go to your apartment today because I have to accompany an exhibition Laureta being done in the Central Museum. In fact, I was late and I have to go now. See you tomorrow then? "
digest the information they gave you and you realize three things: one, did not know who was Laureta, but started to hate her since then, two, you had gone suddenly appetite and three, you were a lesbian becoming pathetic.
*
One day when you were sitting in the piso the bathroom with her cheek resting against the toilet was the rate when in fact you realize that Milo had stolen your fucking heart and saved it in one of his pockets.
because you realize just returned all the food you had taken at breakfast. You were there, innocently eating your bowl of cereal when you looked that Milo had forgotten his red sweater in one of the chairs. You took the last bite of cereal and went to the couch to pick up the sweater.
you take the garment with your hands and decided to wear the sweater because the truth was that the morning was cold and cloudy. Shortly
knew when to wear the sweater, going to suddenly stand still. Fabric came off an odors rusty swings and entertaining games. The park was surrounded by old factories and the landscape was so brown and liquid steel felt metal flood the environment. You were sitting in one of the swings, facing forward, hands on your lap recharged. "Why do they always ask me nonsense?" You said with annoyance, but it was pretty annoying, not a nuisance rude.
Milo was sitting on the swing next to you, with your hands holding the strings with his feet scraping the ground beneath them, trying not to swing, but occasionally it was a few inches back to propel themselves forward . He smiled a little. "Because I know that bothers you. And also because I know, there is nothing wrongor ask questions ... and have discovered the greatest mysteries of the universe. "
squinting and vaguely wondered if someone like Milo was real, that is, Could someone be so ... odd? You denied her head because, unfortunately, knew he would not stop bothering to give him an answer. You took a deep breath and thought about your question. "I do not know ... maybe ... never accept being coroner."
"Why?"
I looked into his eyes letting him know that you were getting tired of the questions, of course, had a tiny smile on your lips. "Because I love art, but see an open body is not what I consider 'art sound and constructivo. '"
" The real reason is that you're a fag coward, Camus. "
Milo
If I had not said that in that tone of mockery and affection, probably would have punched him. "My parents would be proud of me, eh?" They replied.
He nodded and there was a moment of silence in which the smile on his face was fading. "I probably would never be an astronaut." And that was one of the things that Milo did not understand: even if you do not always answer any questions you hicieras. Continued with a sigh thinking. "It would have to go into space and see all the planets and all those stars and all that incredible scenery and then return to Earth and could not cosas things that you could not tell the world, a place of relief, freedom for your soul damaging power surges and not purified.
The book was written with black leaves and black ink ... is more, if someone opened the book, I thought that was empty because the black letters were lost in the background the same color. Even if you were trying to re-read what you had written, ended with a nasty
headache trying to decipher the words.
But if you could reread your notebook, you'd realize that the following phrases were written in your trembling hands: Did I disappoint you or let you down? - I saw the end before we started - I've been addicted to you - Remember us and all we used s
HTMLXC You took a handful of popcorn into your mouth. "What?"
"Can we talk?" He stopped seeing the screen and looked at you.
also left to watch the big screen in front of you and you see his face lit by the lights from it. Chewing a little popcorn still remaining in your mouth and then the passed. "Right now? The film is about to begin. "I said quietly and missed a normal tone of voice, had no one around you, other people were five or six rows of seats below, so there was no need to come down the volume your voice.
"Well, I do not talk about
. I just want to give this to you .... "He took ar your veins froze instantly and your breath got stuck in your throat. "Milo,"
I stopped and started saying, "I know this is probably silly to you and that I should not have and I'm crazy and I'm a lesbian to buy it, but ..." He took a deep breath of slow air and said, "I want to have it. It's something I want to give. It's my way of ... "He moved his hands around for the right words. He returned to start the idea. "I know you and I will never get married or something, in fact, never want to marry, but I want you to know that what you and I have ... ... is important to me."
There was a moment of silence, only sound was that of the shorts that were emittedknow how to go forward in the relationship but not knowing how to go back.
What you saw at the school so far: when entering a classroom, when they got copies in the library, when he sat in one of the steps to read. Seemed to be everywhere: even when you see it, your eyes looking at the crowd, you could not help it.
A part of you that your eyes did not want to have contact with her figure, but another part of you breathe easy when you saw the end was already in school, I was there, in the same space as you.
Milo and his fucking effect on you.
no longer remembered what had been the occasion of the last fight, had no very clear in your head why habed rift emerged between them. Do not know if you had said or done something wrong, perhaps it was he who had decided to depart on your own, you could not say what the appropriate response. The point was that there was a large thorn barrier between them.
and did not know how to approach and ask what was wrong. The first few days of detachment tried to ask what was happening, but whenever you came, he took his things and left.
A part of you wanted to send him to hell, a big part of you wanted to walk toward him and say, "You know what, asshole? Here. I will not tolerate your stupidity. "However, another big part of you knew if you did that, would lose all he had been layerl Once they were all so real that they ceased to be true. It seemed impossible to destroy what they had, impossible to kill something that never started for sure.
The despair was so great that you wanted to let go the skin of the arms and break it into small pieces with a knife.
Milo and his damned ignorance of not knowing what could kill you.
damn you and your inability to forget.
*
If someone asked you to define the relationship with a word, you'd have to answer that Milo and you were ... foam, never formed anything, always full of bubbles that burst with the slightest aggression, but without stability intention of having it, soap and water mixing to formwere already lying in bed with the lights off and eyes drowned in tears over, someone opened the door of your apartment.
was no surprise when it recognizes the silhouette of Milo at the door of your room. Do not bother to light the lamp to enter ... the light from one of the large windows was the only thing that lit the way to the resting place of your bed.
She leaned in the doorway, his position was heavy and tired, were estimated at about half past three.
slightly raise the head from the pillow and you saw only one part of his face, because the rest was drowned in the dark, and also only managed to see a part of sor other body because it also hid in the shadows.
"It's late." Your voice was raspy. Was not an accusation, just an observation.
"I can go if they want." He said in a whisper.
Your heart beat with a rough unexplained safe in your chest, were tense and uncomfortable. Your silhouette in the doorway oppressed all your guts, you think after what you said in the alley, he would not fetch more, were words that were intended to cut the last tie was fragile among you: loop of destruction.
And there it was again, as always, the opportunity to stay with him and the opportunity to tell him to goa. Big part of you wanted to leave, that could finally put an end to unhealthy, obsessive relationship, but another big part of you did not even know how to breathe without you near your life, how to exist without knowing that Milo was still something of yours. "Stay there." Tells in a whisper too.
He did, though, perhaps, he too was debating between staying or leaving.
Amid the darkness and silence again recharged your head on the pillow but you kept your eyes on his face. Entered your right hand under the covers while the blue of your eyes never left. Your heart turned inside your chest, turned with a jerk because you started to actagonizing feeling that would not let you be. You closed your eyes again and focus on giving your body what it needs, it yearned for freedom.
But suddenly felt a body moving like a cat bed, the mattress sinking another weight the closer. Suddenly, hands moved the covers over your body and away to one side in an instant and had a body sitting on your stomach and hands to take yours. Milo
most comfortable position for you: your knees on either side of your hips, your body sitting on your belly, his fingers intertwined with yours, his lips a few millimeters away from yours. Your
trapped in his body. You opened your
expectancy, rejection, pain, relief, all at the same time.
And was your Milo with questions, as I had always been from the moment you'd met. It was there before you, inexplicably beautiful, beautifully frightening, disconsolate important to you. Rapid breathing searched between remnants of your voice and answered for the first time without fear, without fear, without trying it over, still only talking about you and your soul, "... I love you more than I hate you."
FIN
I'd love to know what you think of this last chapter of this history in general. Feel free to leave any comments here below where it says "write a comment
